Thursday, August 29, 2013

Martha and Me

Back in 1997, while in graduate school in Logan, Utah, I had the opportunity to meet Martha Stewart in person. I packed up one of my best pots and headed down to Salt Lake City to give it to her and chit chat about the finer things in life. She remains the only celebrity I have met in person. For the last 16 years we have stayed in touch through email (not really) and Skype (never), and spent many Saturday nights on the phone (nope) talking about canning beets and organizing the potting bench. Now, after 16 long years apart, we finally have the chance to reunite in person. But I need your help.

Please go to Martha Stewart American Made and vote for me.

A lot. Six times a day, in fact. No, really, you can vote for me six times a day. You should vote for me six times a day. I'd try for seven just in case they're not paying attention. Not that Martha wouldn't be paying attention. Forget I said that. Martha pays attention to everything. Only vote six times a day. For me.

The other thing I need you to do is post the link to my American Made page on your Facebook page, and tell all your friends to vote for me. And tell all of them to tell their friends to vote for me. This is a big 'ol popularity contest. It's that simple. And forward this email to everyone you know and tell them to forward it to everyone they know, and tell everyone to vote for me. Every day. Don't even look at the other entries. They mean nothing to you.

I'm going to apologize right now for the number of emails I am going to send you over the next 3 weeks reminding you to vote for me 6 times a day through September 13th. I'm sorry. So very sorry. But if I don't win, I won't get to see Martha in person again, and I can't wait another 16 years.

Questions and concerns about the contest? Too bad. Put that energy into voting 6 times a day for me. Too busy to vote 6 times a day? Get your priorities straight, mister. Computer broken? Use your smart phone. Think, people! This ain't rocket science. Get up, get dressed, vote 6 times for me, do whatever you do the rest of the day. Simple.

With your help and dedication, you can rekindle the flame for Martha and me.

p.s. If you don't send me nasty notes complaining about all the emails I'm going to send you for the next 3 weeks, I'll include an actual photo of me and Martha, circa 1997, in one of the email. For reals. Spoiler alert: I wasn't always bald!

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